Three
percent of Nigerian ladies are undisturbed by their lack of a spouse
but the other 97% would do just anything to become Mrs. Somebody”. As
we read on, we are going to see some unorthodox things Nigerian women
will do in their quest to bag a husband! Some are bizarre, some are
good and while some downright bad but if you are willing to try
anything and getting a husband is the only activity left on your bucket
list, you might want to try a few! (Men beware).
1)Snatching a friend or relation’s man. All is fair in love and war!
Rumor has it that women have resorted to locking their phones, hiding
their men and coding their gist from so-called friends because it’s a
jungle out there. 2)Re-inventing themselves. Pretence is the order of
the day. No man wants to tame the shrew or teach the inexperienced or
make an honest woman out of a dishonest one so once marriage is
desired, women package themselves in pseudo, ready-made, easy-to-use,
highly desirable packages. After marriage, what you see is what you
get! 3)Trapping with pregnancy. This used to be the old school method
of getting a man to propose. From skipping the pill to seducing the man
or getting him drunk when she was ovulating, a woman usually knew she
had the man where she wanted him once she missed her period even if
there was no commitment. Now the guys are saying YES to baby mamas and
YES to child support. Are the girls deterred? NO! The girls have
stepped up their game by involving the parents and you know parents
don’t like scandals 4)Praying & Fasting. This would presumably be
an honorable means of obtaining a husband but sometimes the prayers are
offered up to deities other than God & other times it becomes a
song permanently. Taking his photograph to Cele church for a prophetess
to pray over or a powerful Alfa. Heard it works like charm. Taking his
sp*rm, hair or personal effects to Babalawo. Guys, disposing of your
condoms yourself is not such a bad idea. 5)Outright Jazz My friend
recently gisted me about how a tied up, live pigeon had been discovered
in a friend’s sister-in-law’s box. The woman confessed to using jazz
and said she hadn’t been sure if the guy would actually propose so she
took the necessary precautions. 6)Putting love potion in his food This
is classic and timeless but shouldn’t it be called a compelling potion?
Because in this case, love na by force! 7)Proposing to a guy Yes it
does happen (Who wears the engagement ring?) Toasting a man’s family so
they make the decision for him! A friend complained that a girl he
detested had over the months gotten close to his family. Lavishing on
them, cooking for them and basically being their go-to girl and now his
mum had put her foot down that he had to break up with his girlfriend
and marry little-miss-went-home-to- mama depending on how much power the
family wields, their word may be final. Asking daddy to get them a
husband! If daddy’s a big shot, arranging a husband for you is usually
as easy as pie and some men would sell their souls for a large chunk of
daddy’s money so both parties are happy. 9)Being the man’s maga Some
women believe that when you finally get a man to be interested in you,
spoiling him and overlooking his every fault would get you into a white
gown faster than an okada. Some men don’t mind a woman who houses
them, clothes them, feeds them, gives them pocket money, never gets
upset with them even when they misbehave and cleans up after them with
little or no contribution from them living the dream 10)Giving him
unlimited freedom. Tell me I am number one baby; tell me I am the future
mother of your kids and not Amina, Bisi or Ngozi. Women used to want
to be the one AND ONLY in their man’s life, now being the number one is
good enough. 11)Polishing up a low class, barely educated brother in
exchange for a ring The deal is simple, you send your cleaner, gateman
or driver to night school, you give him language lessons, you take him
to buy some new clothes and deodorant and teach him to call you honey
instead of madam and in exchange, he gets to marry you, share an
expensive bedroom and never worry about his bills ever again!
12)Revamping you. Change your wardrobe, lose 20kg, buy a truckload of
Brazilian hair, study the karma-sutra, do an angioplasty and change the
age on your birth-certificate to read 22. Botox, plastic surgery, a
compulsory gym membership and a body magic also indicated! 13)Becoming
a worker in church Rumour has it that men go to church to marry, the
same rumour also reveals that Greeters Ushers and Lead Soloists have
the best exposure. Praise the Lord! 14)Moving to a new town or part of
town This always peaks the men’s interest and at the same time you get
to run away from your past and the old maid labels! 15)Going for
deliverance Going for deliverance from a spirit husband and sowing a big
marriage seed in church! Giving your possessions to the poor, giving a
sacrificial offering or just giving one thing to God that would make
you weep. 16)Abandoning hopes, dreams and ambitions I’ve heard people
say that women looking for a prince charming live unrealistic dreams,
virgins are old-school, overly educated women are proud, rich women are
not submissive, ambitious women are conceited, women with demanding
jobs won’t have time for their families, women who want a faithful man
are deluded and women who don’t get pregnant before wedlock have
something wrong with their plumbing! So forsake the masters, don’t even
dream of a PhD, quit your job, give away all your money and surely a
husband will come. 17)Outright Desperation And if all the above fails,
they marry a married man! He could be your friend’s husband, your
sister’s husband, your cousin’s husband, your colleague’s husband, even
your mother’s husband if possible. Can you blame these women? The
average guy has commitment phobia or is out to play till he is all spent
before he settles down or is waiting to make his first 5 million
before saying I do. Even a man with no future ambition or class, much
less finances still knows he could have his pick of the best women out
there, once he announces he is looking to settle! ”The last census
showed a female-dominated demographic with more women per eligible
bachelor. Family and society constantly put the woman in hot water
making her personal successes irrelevant till she bags a man”.
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